When love and hate collide

To,

Whomsover it may concern

You tell me that I am pathetic and terrible. You tell me that I am a big gutter that is full of shit!. You tell me that I am maddening and a pain. That I cause you to tear your hair out in frustration. How would you feel to be abused relentlessly? But that, my friends is the sad reality I have to grapple with almost everyday as you complain 24/7 about major aspects about my personality - the infrastructure, the traffic, the sanitation problems, the high cost of living, the overcrowding...But at the same time, defying logic, you love me as well. You love the buzz, the vibrancy, the culture, the people, the money and the magic, the spirit..you and I, we share this unique love-hate relationship.

I am not oblviious to the problems you state. But I ask all of you, is it my fault that I am seen as a land of opportunity, the commercial capital of the nation, a land which promises the proverbial pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? Is it my fault that so many of you come to me and take solace in my loving embrace that I have always provided for so many years? Is it my fault that there is no really viable alternative destination which can lend a shoulder to me and provide similar opportunities? Is it my fault about the apathy shown by your elected representatives who have neglected me?

But you continue to blame me and abuse me and yet you continue to live here. It may be because some of you have lived with me and loved me too long and going and settling anywhere else is no longer an option. Some of you have learned to adjust with me like sitting on the fourth seat on my local trains. And some of you are forced to stay with me because you know that the opportunites I provide are not available elsewhere. But your abusing and adjusting at the same time, alternating bouts of hatred and love have continued to confound me.

And then I ask myself - how did I become what I have become today? This thriving and yet decaying paradox? And the answer dawns on me - humbly and simply. I am just a collective noun, a representation of a unique people. An assimilation and a melting pot of all of you and the values you embody.You are the ones who have made me famous and have given me this vibrant, dynamic, cosmopolitan nature. You are the ones who have turned me into the city which never sleeps. But it is equally true that you also are the ones who have the power to elect your representatives responsible for governing me effiicently and protecting me. You are also the ones who have created the garbage and the traffic jams, the pollution and the greed...Most of you have good intentions. But most of you are too busy in your daily lives to do anything about it. Its not that you have not tried - the victory in the battle to preserve my open spaces and your intense and continuing pressure on the govt. over the state of my potholed roads fills me with hope. But much more is needed. You know that as well.

I hope that you realise that I am only as helpless as you are. You have made me what I am today. And only you have the power to prevent me into turning what I am now becoming - decaying and crumbling.

Yours (hopefully),

A city of dreams/nightmares,

Mumbai

2000 not out

"22 Yards of Life,

22 Yards of the Truth,

So Will you just stand there, my friend,

Or Will you be ready to Shoot?" 

- A carribean calypso - Anonymous

Test cricket, like any great sport, mirrors life..

Like Life sometimes is the mornnig session of Day 1. At the bouncy tracks of a Perth or a Durban or the West Indian tracks of old. Overcast sky. Greenish pitch. Holding, Marshall, Roberts, Garner glaring down. Shiny new cherry. Five slips. Gully. Short leg. The first ball zips by your nose. You can smell the leather. You know you are deep in it now. You need to focus. You need to be courageous. Be patient. See off the new ball. Because you know that these tough times wont last. 

Life is sometimes a bed of Roses. Like a flat featherbed wicket in India or Srilanka. No seam or swing. Little turn and true bounce. You walk in with the score at 325-2. The fielders are spread wide.A walk in the park. But still you got to make the most of it. Make hay while the sun shines. Because, opportunities like these do not come very often.

Life is sometimes seemingly comfortable. The ball is just over 50 overs old. The score is a respectable 180-2. And suddenly there is a hint of reverse swing. The sultans of Swing - Wasim and Waqar have just been handed the ball. Suddenly the ball swerves and dips and zips by your bat. Thuds hard into your pads. Crunches your toes. Warning signs, out of nowhere. You take a deep breath. You tell yourself to focus again. Take fresh guard. And brace yourself. 

Life sometimes offers a lot of luck. You arrive at the crease shuffling nervously. You are in terrible form and your place in the side questioned. You play and miss umpteen number of times. You are given the benefit of doubt on a close LBW call. You are dropped twice. You struggle to find the middle of the bat. But somehow, you survive. And go on to score a hundred. A scrappy innings. Luck, so often, arrives mysteriously but always very welcome.

Life is sometimes like the opposition team down and out at 100-6. You got to move in for the kill. But you become complacent. What will the tailenders do? But you forget a certain Adam Gilchrist is still around. The tail wags around his explosive counter attack. The opportunity is lost. The door is shut firmly on your face.

Life is sometimes a post tea session on Day 3. The test match is evenly poised. A couple of quick wickets and it will swing one way. The entire session negotiated safely with loss of perhaps a wicket and it will swing the other. Life too is a fascinating contest. Sometimes tense. Like the Ashes of 2005. But you got to take the all ups and downs  in your stride with a smile. To quote Abraham Lincoln, treat victory and defeat alike. 

Life is sometimes a day 5 devilish pitch. Big wide cracks. The ball turning square. The Spin quartet of Bedi, Prasanna, Chandra, Venkat. Two close in fielders chattering away. Two slips. Leg slip. And what does Vivian Richards decide to do? Step out. Dance down the track. And Bang. The chewing gum. The swagger. Sometimes, you need to do just that. Throw caution to the winds. Take the bull by the horns.

Life sometimes seems hopeless. Like at the Eden gardens when India vs Australia with India staring at a certain innings defeat. Like West indiies vs Australia at Barbados with West Indies at 105-5 chasing 308 for victory. But you need to remind yourself of what Laxman-Dravid did that day at the Eden gardens. What Brian Lara did at Barbados. And draw hope and get inspired. It ain't over till the fat lady sings!

Life sometimes can be very cruel. Like when you need just 4 runs to end your career with an average of 100. But you score a duck. And finish on 99.94. But still. Thats phenomenal. Sir Donald Bradman. Incredible.

Equally incredible too are some of the other great test cricketers. And what qualities they embody and ask us to imbibe in some measure. The patience of a Gavaskar. The simplicity and clarity of a Sehwag. The determination of a Dravid. The perfection and humility of a Tendulkar. The grace of a Gower or a Ganguly. The elegance of a Laxman or a Azharuddin. The resoluteness of a Kumble. The guile and cunning of a Warne or a Murali. The consistency of a Mcgrath. The aggressiveness of a Hayden or a Gilchrist. The fire of a Donald. The astuteness of a Imran Khan. The all-round ability of a Kallis or a Sobers. 

Perhaps this explains the endurance of the Five day game. Why we are about to witness the 2000th Test match at the Mecca of Cricket. Why it is still around in the age of Twitter and T-20. Perhaps it is because Test cricket is a throwback to the old times. A part which we are afraid to let go. A true contest between bat and ball. Like a drama which unfolds slowly but surely.With ebbs and flows. Subtle changes and nuances which only the discerning eye can see. Like it is telling us that you better pay atttention. Slow down. Take it easy and revel in the simple pleasures of life. Treat every delivery that life offers on merit.And take it over by over, hour by hour, session by session. :)

"Present" tense

A few days back, one of my friends pinged me. "you remember right?" I wondered what I had forgotten again this time around. What, I asked, half expecting a nice expletive from the other side. Sounding exasperated, he told me that it is our roomies birthday tommorow! I of course remembered that ( I swear!) What present should we give him, he asked me. I groaned. That question leaves me stumped every time. Cash obviously sounds very uncool. We have a new word for that these days.

"Gift Card de dete hai yaar"!, I said.

"No yaar Lets give him something he likes or something for his house"

"Hmmm..Sounds Good. But What?"

"Ummm...dont know. Lets think over it and discuss tonight" 

"Ok. Will do that"

That discussion never happened.

Gifting is quite complicated! Really! Kya magajmari hai re! Aur upar se if one is gifting a lady, the complication is multiplied manifold. My friends have several entertaining stories about this. If u think of giving a voucher, you are considered as lazy and get to hear - "Tum ek gift bhi nai laa sakte! Itna effort bhi nai le sakte!" If u ask her what she wants so you can gift her that, you get to hear - "you do not even know what I like!" Complicated.

Once just after college, I remember telling myself that how can choosing a gift for a friend you know well cannot be THAT difficult. Its probably all in the mind. So I proclaimed that on the occasion of my friends birthday, I will buy the gift on behalf of everyone. My friends looked at me as if I had told them that Upen Patel had won the best actor award. But I was adamant. They relented, reluctantly. I thought of what all she liked and thought that she looked pretty in a salwar. I bought a nice bright suit and proudly asked her to open it. To date, I still remember the sequence of events - her awkward expression on seeing it, somehow conjuring a smile and saying its so pretty and then all my friends bursting out laughing. RIP - Choosing what to Gift.

And then I marvel at how some people are able to choose presents so effortlessly. They know what the person likes and pickup something that is bound to delight and surprise. I have been fortunate enough to know many such people. The gits maybe small. They maybe simple. But the richness of thought and effort behind it is what really counts.

Like the unique best friend mug in which I have my tea everyday. Like a collection of Charles Dickens novels which got me hooked to the wonderful habit of reading. Like a hand written letter. Like a message in a small lovely bottle. Like a photo calender with photos of my closest friends. Like a convenient and practical travelling pillow since I love to travel. Like a year long subscription to National Geographic magazine. Like a Arsenal key chain and calender. Like a small FIFA travel bag. Like a "Power" cricket bat (Remember the days when Sachin batted with a Power bat!). Like a Goa bermuda and sleeveless shirt just for the sheer hilarity and mischeif behind it!! Like Mom cooking my favourite dishes on my birthday :) 

When I think about it, it really sounds so simple. But it really is not. Cos predictibly, we still gifted our roomie a Gift card :P

Walking in the rain...

I had a few meetings lined up in town today. After finishing the last one, which was quite close to Marine Drive, I decided to walk for sometime on the promenade and take a cab after a while to VT station. But no sooner had I passed the imposing NCPA apartments, was I already questioning my decision. It was past 6 pm but the sun was still blazing down mercilessly. The placid waters of the Arabian sea were reflecting the sun light with such intensity that one could not look at it without squinting. By the time I reached the Air India building, I was already sweating profusely.

I decided to take a cab from opposite Oberoi and just then in the backdrop, I saw dark clouds closing in from the east. They looked ominous. And something inside me said "Wait! Keep walking'"

I decided to take a detour and buy something for home and took a right into the leafy sleepy boulevard of CCI lane, home to the Brabourne stadium. I reached 210 degree centigrade just outside Samrat restaurant - a favorite hangout spot when we were in college and picked up freshly baked bread and biscuits. Steeping out, I realized that the clouds had mobilized their army in far greater numbers. But still the humidity was quite stifling.

Again, I decided to take a cab from outside Churchgate station as I passed the landmark Satyam gift shop on my right. But, as if angry with this decision of mine, the clouds started to rumble. And I found myself tellingl me - "Keep walking!"

I had hardly walked a 100 metres when I felt the first drops of rain. I looked up. The sky was completely dark grey now. Not a speck of blue on the horizon. I smiled. People around me quickened their pace. Why were they in a hurry?! I reached Flora fountain. The famous Vada pav wala on the corner and the Booksellers on the corner adjacent to Amex bank were quite well prepared as a nice blue canopy had already been put up unlike a half dug up road on the side.

I went past the Stan C building and other colonial era structures on Fort and it was now drizzling steadily. I smiled even more broadly. A few umbrellas popped open around me. A few makeshift umbrellas were created out of office bags, books and handkerchiefs. Why were the people walking so quickly?! I looked up and felt the raindrops falling gently on my face. I found myself humming - " Raindrops keep falling on my head..."

The clouds rumbled again. And finally opened up. A torrential downpour began just as I reached Mcdonalds. 'Am loving it' I told myself! It was a fantastic scene. The BMC building loomed straight ahead and the magnificent Victoria Terminus ahead on the right. People realized there was no point in running anymore. For a moment, they turned school kids again as they forgot their worries and soaked in the rain. For a moment, their troubles seemed to have been washed away by the rains. The beautiful smell of wet earth wafted through the air. Sounds of laughter and excited chatter could be heard all around. The temperature had dropped considerably. The sky began to turn on a hue of yellow and orange, a portrait that only the monsoon could paint. It was a magical sight. Pure unadulterated joy!

I reluctantly entered VT station dripping wet and caught a train. A guy sitting next to me was updating his status on Facebook - "First rains!! Am loving it.." I looked at him and smiled. He smiled back. So many times, when faced with a choice, we feel that we do not take the right decision. It may not be a life changing decision but a simple mundane one like what colour of shirt to buy, what restaurant to eat in, whether to take a cab or not. I was lucky that I was in town today. And I was glad that I did not take the cab that day. And decided to get wet!

Surgeries are Fun!

A couple of days back, I met a few of my school friends after a really long time. One of them is pursuing her masters to become a dentist. The conversation naturally veered around to how tough it is to become a doctor and even post that, life really does not get any easier. I asked her if she had performed any surgeries. She said yeahh - a couple. On asking her about the experience, the reply which she gave was something which I least expected. "It was Fun!"

Surgeries and fun?! I had to admit that the answer took me completely by surprise. To laymen like you and me and to patients, surgeries are anything but fun! But on second thoughts, I wondered. Fun! Why not?! The job of a doctor is to have cure patients and perform surgeries. Just like in any other vocation, it is important to have fun and enjoy what you are doing. Why can't doctors have fun too? Imagine if they seem and act disinterested and bored while operating! It really is wonderful how a different perspective can make you see things with more clarity.

That however was not the end of it and a train of thought had already started running. Most of us from the batch of 2010 have completed or would be completing a year in our respective jobs. I would not say that its been all fun and games. There have been some days where you felt 'wow! This is so interesting' and some days where u felt 'wow! Can't believe I am doing such work!' But this is a truism which is part and parcel of any kind of work, even if you are in a field where you always wanted to be. I would say that I have been fortunate enough to part of a good team where there is so much to learn almost every day. And that I believe is the key. The learning should not stop.

Also, I have been lucky enough to get a boss who loves to give "gyaan". His two nuggets of advice have stayed with me. One was that you should have very basic expectations from your job. Do not expect that you will be doing interesting work every day and you will be satisfied. Yes, It is important that your work challenges your mental faculties and gives you ample opportunity to learn. But for happiness and satisfaction, it is important to look outside work and recharge your batteries. On weekends. With family. With friends. Read a good book. Watch a good movie. Go party. Pursue a hobby.

His second point was on something which a lot of us can identify with. Career planning. He said that he had to shift departments four times in his career of more than 10 years. And these shifts were not really what he wanted or what he asked for. He was just told that he would have to move. No options given. But he remained patient and is now pretty successful. Unplanned career progression :)

Gyaan dena aasan hota hai always. But if the gyaan makes sense, a sincere attempt must be made to imbibe some. Its important to set your expectations right. Expectation anchoring. And its important to not fret about work too much. And to try to keep things in perspective. Because, if you think about it from a doc's point of view, surgeries can be fun too :)

Mungerilal ke Haseen Sapney.....

A couple of days back, Boss called me in his usual inimitable style to his cabin with a single word line - "Aaao"! I went to his cabin not knowing what to expect. He asked me about the status on a particular deal. I said I was not fully aware. He frowned and called my senior. She was busy doing something on her computer and was not picking up. And then he cracked one of his comical habitual one liners ' "Look at madam! She is busy in her own world. Mungerilal ke haseen sapney"! I chuckled.

Suddenly boss started talking about some holiday. And I went on my own little holiday. To the Himalayas. Beautiful snow capped peaks all around. Me walking amidst dense oak and conifer forests with a few of my closest friends. And along with a special someone. Aah! What a wonderful feeling. But suddenly there was some disturbance around me. Boss was screaming something. " I want a daily status update on this. Without fail. The guillotine is on our necks!" Welcome to reality, I said to myself.

Still thinking about the holiday, I went to my seat with a smile. I got down to preparing a status update. Just then, there was an email from a friend. A die hard Manchester United fan. Who started taunting that this year too Arsenal wont win anything. :| I again drifted off.. Arsenal is just 6 points behind. Man U still has to play Arsenal and Chelsea. If they loose, then we can still win this. All is not lost. And I imagined Fabregas lifting the Premier League trophy and a proud Wenger smiling benevolently. And Wenger saying that his philosophy of grooming young talent has finally paid off. And me sending a fitting reply to my Man U friend...... I smiled. Ok. Prepare the status update fast! The guillotine is on our necks! A lot of us are prone to day dreaming. Escape into those flights of fantasy. Escape from a routine, monotonous life around you which brings a smile on your lips and gives you something to talk about at the end of the day. I think these flights of fancy are perfectly all right as long as we do not get too serious and not get too stuck up on it. I think its a way for some of us to deal with the situation around you. A sort of a break which can leave u refreshed. But yeah you have to be careful not too get too immersed in it at the cost of immediate pressing issues! Otherwise, the guillotine...!

The phone rang. A friend invited me to his wedding reception. Marriage. So many friends around me are getting married. When will I.. I began to wonder..........

Deja Vu conversations

"Whats new?"

"ummmm....ummm..nothing much..same old..office..home routine".."You tell me, whats happening with you?"

"same here! work, and then some more work!"

"hmm..ok. Aur kya besides work?"

"Nothing much, yaar".."Tu bata.."

"Nothing much really"

"Hmm ok..Gtg..Talk to you later!"

"Ok..Cya. Take care"

"U too Tc!"